Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Girl talk

(...I know there are a couple of men that read my blog, and I am sorry that this post is directed mostly at women, but this is what is on my mind.)

If you were to come over to my house for some girl time, we'd probably start off with tea, that I would serve you in one of my antique teacups.

This vegan chocolate raspberry cake is one of my favorite things to bake
And I would probably bake something totally yummy, but all-together unhealthy.

And after we'd settled in with our yummy goodness, I would spill my heart and soul.  So let's practice, okay?  Grab your favorite warm beverage and a snack, and I'll spill my guts.

I've been way stressed out lately.  I've had more of those days where "you wish you had never gotten out of bed" than I feel like I have the right to have.  I mean, I have a good job, a wonderful boyfriend, all of these blessings, and yet there are those days when nothing goes quite right, and none of that good stuff seems to matter.  It's hard to get out of those funks, but I know that I have to.  I have obligations.  I have goals and dreams, and none of them can be conquered if I live my life in bed.  I let those days, and the things that happen in those days define who I am.  But that isn't who I am, and that is not who I will become.  I'm bad at letting things go.

I have a lot of fear.  Fear that I'm not good enough.  Fear about the health of my family.  Fear about money.  Fear about all of the what if's in life.  It is making me exhausted.  I almost never feel fully awake and energized, and I think it is because I spend too much time worrying.

I'm not really losing any weight.  I kinda knew this would happen, but decided to go ahead and give myself a January weight goal anyway.  I think I came to terms with the fact that my current diet (that follows the letter of the law of my January goals) would not be enough to jump-start my diet on the 4th of January.  I'm kind of torn about how I feel about this.  One the one hand, I would rather make small changes each month that yield big results.  On the other hand, I'm American, and I am a results yesterday kinda girl.  I haven't figured out how I will feel if I do not lose 5 pounds by the end of January, but I know that I probably need to figure that out, as well as what changes I need to make next in order to start seeing the results my brain is demanding.

I'm really scared about school.  I start back to school next Tuesday to start on a BS in Accounting.  It will be my second BS degree.  I have always felt like a drifter, and have never found a path I truly love.  I like the idea of an accounting degree.  I enjoy accounting tasks and activities.  I'm just a little apprehensive that I will put time, money, and effort into getting this degree, and decide one year later it's not right for me.  As my dad would say, "On the bright side, you can cross that off of your list of things you might want to do for the rest of your life."  I think part of it is that I have so many goals, dreams, hopes, that no one career could ever encompass that.  I want to be able to LIVE life out loud, not just sit on the sidelines.  I don't particularly like being limited.

I really have the best boyfriend ever.  Even when I'm grumpy, he is there for me.

I hope you enjoyed the snack, and I know I enjoyed venting!  Hope that everyone is having a great week!


  1. Can we have a phone venting session this weekend??? Sat or Sun? You pick the date :)

  2. Fear is my most despised 4 letter word! forseriously

    I fear the same silly stuff all the stinkin time! money, death, health, cleaning, parenting, partnership

    Blogging has helped keep me focused on the here and now though and has made me totally more appreciative of what is good and going on!


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