Saturday, October 17, 2015

Workout setbacks

***Warning***  If you are easily grossed out by body stuff, just skip this post and come back some other time.
If there's anything that runs like clockwork just as much as my propensity for cycling in and out of shape, it's that once I decide it's time to get back into shape, I will face some sort of major setback early on.  And guys, that most definitely happened, and in a big way.

I have had a little cyst in my right armpit for several years now.  It was a benign little sebaceous cyst, and it was really deep, so there was nothing to do about it, except see if it was going to get worse or better on its own.  Well, it decided to get worse, and on Tuesday morning, I woke up to an ache in my armipt.  When I took a look, it was swollen.  I wasn't sure what was happening, because I had heard that painful swelling could mean that the cyst was working itself out, or that it had burst and was infected.  Since our insurance is still in processing right now and out finalized, I also wanted to wait and make sure that there was a problem before trying to get in to the Dr.  By Thursday, things were much worse, and I was pretty much constantly in agony.  So I got myself in to the Doctor's office, where it was confirmed that I definitely had a burst infected cyst.  And so now we're treating that loveliness with antibiotics, hot compresses, and ibuprofen.  There is definitely no working out happening, because I'm pretty much in agony anytime I move quickly, or my right arm moves.  Fun, right?  We're hoping hat by Monday, things will have progressed to the point where either my body can re-absorb the cyst, or it will start seeping out and the doctor can excise it.  Obviously, I'm hoping for re-absorption, because it's a much faster healing time.  However, I'll really be happy for progress either way, because it will mean that this setback is that closer to being over.

Ya know, just putting a hot compress on my armpit.  No big.

I hate that these setbacks happen, but I realize that they serve such a valid purpose. They serve as evidence of my desire and dedication to my goal.  If I am just as motivated to get back to my workouts afterward, I know that my goal is valid and important.  If I have no desire, it's  wake-up call that I should probably stop and re-evaluate what I'm doing and why I thought it was a good idea.  Right now, I would love to be able to go workout and keep improving my fitness again.  Every time I drive by our new gym, I wish I could go in and get to work.  These are good signs.  I know that I'm on the right track.  It's going to happen for me, and before I know it, I'm be back in the game.

Do you have workout setbacks?  If so, how do you handle them?

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

A viscious cycle

When it comes to working out, I am a total glutton for punishment.  I am in this cycle where I get super out of shape, get motivated, have to work super hard to get back into shape, get into great shape, get burnt out, and get out of shape again.  Over, and over, and over.  I try to tell myself that it's normal, and natural.  Right.  Normal and natural like orange colored chocolate.
Like, after the marathon, I needed to take a break for a bit.  That's normal.  Good, even, according to most experts.  It isn't healthy to push your body that hard, and then not give it a minute.  I think it took me 4 months to start running again.  Oops.  That's probably longer than you should give it.  Just a guess.

Then, I got in great shape again for the triathlon, and CRUSHED my time goal.  I set a pretty high bar for future sprint triathlons, in fact.  So what did I do after that?  I quit working out.  Oops.  Granted, right after the triathlon our world got turned upside down, but still.  Taking 12 weeks off was not part of the plan.  Thankfully, packing and moving boxes counts towards daily activity, otherwise I would have gained all of the weight in that 12-ish weeks.  No exercise and all of the ice cream and cookies does not equal maintaining a leaner physique.

Hi, my name is Kristen, and I stress bake.

And now here we are again.  Life finally got to the point where I needed the endorphins again, because "Happy people don't kill their husbands", or something like that.  I also have a triathlon in April, and I'm feeling the pressure to improve on my time.  So to the gym we have gone.  Last week really kicked it off for us, we managed to go 3 times.

And then we even went again tonight!  My life has devolved into that place of perpetual muscle soreness lately.  I have been sending Ammon really sexy text messages lately about how my legs are going to revolt against me, and how going to the bathroom hurts my abs.  Also, when we get home from the gym and have to walk upstairs to our apartment, he walks behind me, "just in case you can't make it on your own".  That flight of stairs manages to look just like Mt. Everest after the gym.  It's a cruel, cruel trick.

Another fun fact is that we dropped our old gym tonight like a ton of bricks, and got a fancy new membership at a place that is much nicer.  It's also cheaper!  Yay for corporate membership deals, and Ammon having a big boy job!!!

Monday, October 5, 2015

Morning walks

Now that we live in an apartment again, there is no more opportunity to be lazy and just let the dog into the backyard when he needs to do his business.  Nope, that's not the way the world works anymore.  Every morning, my alarm goes off at 5:20am so that Gunner and I can go for a 20 minute walk before I have to get to the hustle and bustle of my day.  I had thought that it would feel like an inconvenience, or that I would start to dread it.

Instead, I find myself wishing that we had more time for our little morning walks, and I look forward to the idea of making them longer.  It'll be a while before that alarm goes off at 5am...  It might not even happen.  But deep down, I really want it, because that time that the two of us spend together every morning before most of the City is awake, before anyone has to rush off to wherever they need to be, that time is so special, and it's all ours.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Total Authenticity


How are you this morning?  I'm just sitting here in my sweats drinking coffee.  Sundays really encourage that behavior, don't they?  I like to think so.  Ammon's sleeping in the other room, the animals are all leaving well enough alone (a rare thing!), and I have time to just do the things I want to do for a bit.  That includes talking to you guys for a few minutes.

I went to a women's forum yesterday.  Since we are so new to the area, I'm trying to be brave and branch out.  Make new friends, have new experiences.  Do scary things.  I love women's conferences, because I'm a sucker for anything personal development.  I hate women's conferences, because usually you're there by yourself, and you have to meet and interact with new people.  I really have become very withdrawn from humanity since moving to California.  I miss my people, and it took me a really long time to build my solid tribe.  I don't want to make new friends, I just want all of my existing friends to pick up their lives and follow me out here.  Reasonable, yes?

Back to the forum.  It was actually fantastic.  Everyone was so nice and supportive.  Several people offered to give me information about different organizations that they are a part of that I might want to consider joining.  Another woman and I totally bonded, and we're going to have coffee together.  AND of course, there was the personal development part of it all.  There were 2 breakout sessions, and about a dozen different speakers to choose from.  I choose sessions on networking and leadership, because I felt like they were so darn applicable to where I am in my life right now.

The sessions had so many common elements in them, which was strange because the two speakers were very different, and came from different approaches.  But the common theme was that you have to know yourself, and you have to be authentic and sincere in everything you do.  All of the tips and tricks in the world, all of the work that you do will never be successful until you truly know yourself, and you can act from a place of total authenticity.

Moving stripped away a lot of the elements by which I identify myself.  My friends, my state, my job, all gone now.  I walked into that forum knowing that I was in the midst of a major identity crisis, and walked out with the realization that this identity crisis could be one of the very best things that could happen to me.  I am in the unique position right now to really figure out who I am as a person, beyond the life that I had previously built up around me.  I am able to create a life that supports and builds upon who I am.  I don't have to do things that don't serve me anymore, simply because they were things that I did in the past.  

In 2 years, this opportunity will be gone.  We will have built our life here, and I will be back in a space where it will be harder to really get clear about who I am amid the clutter of our life.  It's time to move forward, and put some real effort into finding out who Kristen is, and what she wants and needs out of life.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Coming back together

It's almost like magic, but since starting my new job on Tuesday, life is coming back together again.  Where last week it was a struggle simply to shower every day, I actually managed to run last night after work. Run!  That's something I haven't done since the end of June.  And you know what?  It wasn't as awful as I was expecting it would be.  So not awful, in fact, that I came home and signed Ammon and I up for a 5k at the end of November. #addictedtoraces

Post-run selfie or it didn't happen.

Another habit?  This one weirds me out and is out of character, but for the past 3 days, I have done my hair and make-up.  Not normal.  Never mind that I have more make-up than a drag queen, it never gets put through its paces.  Except that now it is.  I kind of like it, but I have no crazy belief that this will last.

 Selfie of me with hair and make-up done, or I won't even believe it happened.  Also, my hair is really long right now, and I'm not sure what I'm thinking/feeling about it.  Kind of tempted to go back to the pixie.  And this is why I'm every hairstylist's dream client... I almost always want to do something different with my hair.  I'm not the "same as always" kind of client.

Just throwing it back to the best look I ever achieved with super short hair.  I miss being able to make my hair stand straight up on purpose.  Also, I don't know why I love this picture so much, it's grossly unflattering and I look like a dude, but whatev... it's hilarious to me, and that's that.

Anyway.  Gotta go to work now.  Glad we got to have this chat.