However, I hope you won't be mad when I tell you that I still can't see you. I wish I could, but this is kind of a toxin relationship we have. I know that you give, Carbs, but when the giving is extra cushion and belly bloat, I'm just not sure that I want your gifts. I have to think about my wedding dress, and my wedding photos. I can't be looking 4 months pregnant, just because you and I had a lovely evening on the couch.
So I'm begging you, pleading, actually, that you stop with the offers of love. I get that you taste good, and that you make me happy. Our relationship is well documented. I know how we feel about each other. My love for you will never fade, but I'm a selfish woman who wants to look hot. I know that deep down you understand that about me. I mean, I'm also the selfish woman who hogs her desserts. It goes both ways, Carbs, towards the good and the bad.
Have no fear, though: come June 22, you can bet your bottom dollar that you and I are going to have a few fantastic moments together. I hope I just don't get too enthusiastic about you when Ammon starts feeding me that cake. It's a family moment that will be documented forever, so make sure you're on your best behavior.
Sugar-free will never be as good as you are...