Blank. I keep opening up new posts in Blogger, and then closing them, all because of the pressure of that blank space. It's a metaphor for my life right now, that empty white text box with the blinking cursor, just waiting to be filled up with this, that, and the other. But I don't know what should go there.
My last day of work was yesterday. It was so, so, so hard. I've never worked at any one place that long before, nearly 5 years, and it's hard to believe that I stuck with one job that long. Well... technically 2 companies, 3 job titles, and 8 different offices, but... you get the point, right? It all ran together, and when your company gets bought by a different company, it shouldn't (and doesn't seem to) count as an entirely new job, despite what your resume might indicate.
My co-workers gave me the sweetest send-off imaginable. There were cards, lunch dates, and even an ice-cream sundae bar. It's very hard to leave a place when you have wonderful co-workers. Those co-workers were so sweet, and are so excited for us. They talk about all of the big things that I am going to do next. They see all of the potential.
I see blankness. An empty slate of a life that is about to be re-imagined yet again. I look at this beautiful life Ammon and I have built together in Fort Collins, and I try to remember that at one time, this was a blank page with a blinking cursor bar too. That if you don't have a little blankness now and again, things can do one of two things: 1) they can stagnate and become boring 2) they become so complicated and chaotic that it's painful to live that life everyday. The blankness is just another opportunity to create a new and lovely picture. To invite new and wonderful people into our lives, yet still bring some past characters into the new scene with us.
And I look at this page, and after a few minutes of bravery, of putting myself out there, and the blankness has been replaced with life again. Because life happens, it happens all of the time, whether we're sure about it or not. But it's only when we choose to engage life can we actually build a life that begs to be truly LIVED.