Let's just try to gloss right over the fact that I haven't been updating this blog with any sort of regularity, okay? I don't feel like I'm the only one who just isn't feeling 100% into blogging anymore, and I'm totally okay with it. My life doesn't need any additional made-up stress like that. Trust me, it's been busy enough without all of that.
I've been making a concerted effort to work through the tough stuff lately. To face challenges, embrace change, and actively engage in life. It's really, really hard though. I feel like I am living my life on the breaking point every day. So much change is going on for us. Between moving, Ammon's company losing funding, and a big role (and office) change for me at work, there have been struggles and tears. And while I'm putting in the effort to be positive and proactive about these changes, I feel like I'm floundering.
We found out on Wednesday of last week that in 2.5 weeks, I will be moving to the main office of my organization and taking a more active and challenging role. It's everything that I have been wanting and needing for the past few months, but it's also sad and terrifying at the same time. I have been with 2 of my co-workers since my first day in that office 3.5 years ago, and I am afraid to let go of that comfort and security. I'm thrilled about the positive changes this will bring for my career, but I'm so worried that I won't live up to everyone's expectations. They're pretty typical fears for me, despite how unfounded they may be. I don't want to mess this up in any way, because it feels like it's "my chance". I have been blessed that the accounting department has offered to let me into the club in the first place, and my supervisor has now created a new job for me, and promised that if I decide to stay after I get my Bachelor's degree that there will still be challenging work for me. It's humbling, and it makes me wonder if I'm worthy of the position that I have. I never want to take for granted the gifts that they are giving me.
Also, please keep Ammon in your thoughts today. While the company lost funding, the owner put in some of his own capital so that Ammon could continue to work a reduced schedule for a while, until they (hopefully) find more funding. However, we both feel that it is the right time for him to move on, and to that end, he has a phone interview for a new job today! Fingers crossed that this is a good strategic move on his part right now.
And with all of that, I'm out to try and make sense out of all of the chaos my life has turned into. Have an awesome Monday!