Monday, June 30, 2014

So much change

Let's just try to gloss right over the fact that I haven't been updating this blog with any sort of regularity, okay?  I don't feel like I'm the only one who just isn't feeling 100% into blogging anymore, and I'm totally okay with it.  My life doesn't need any additional made-up stress like that.  Trust me, it's been busy enough without all of that.

I've been making a concerted effort to work through the tough stuff lately.  To face challenges, embrace change, and actively engage in life.  It's really, really hard though.  I feel like I am living my life on the breaking point every day.  So much change is going on for us.  Between moving, Ammon's company losing funding, and a big role (and office) change for me at work, there have been struggles and tears.  And while I'm putting in the effort to be positive and proactive about these changes, I feel like I'm floundering.

We found out on Wednesday of last week that in 2.5 weeks, I will be moving to the main office of my organization and taking a more active and challenging role.  It's everything that I have been wanting and needing for the past few months, but it's also sad and terrifying at the same time.  I have been with 2 of my co-workers since my first day in that office 3.5 years ago, and I am afraid to let go of that comfort and security.  I'm thrilled about the positive changes this will bring for my career, but I'm so worried that I won't live up to everyone's expectations.  They're pretty typical fears for me, despite how unfounded they may be.  I don't want to mess this up in any way, because it feels like it's "my chance".  I have been blessed that the accounting department has offered to let me into the club in the first place, and my supervisor has now created a new job for me, and promised that if I decide to stay after I get my Bachelor's degree that there will still be challenging work for me.  It's humbling, and it makes me wonder if I'm worthy of the position that I have.  I never want to take for granted the gifts that they are giving me.

Also, please keep Ammon in your thoughts today.  While the company lost funding, the owner put in some of his own capital so that Ammon could continue to work a reduced schedule for a while, until they (hopefully) find more funding.  However, we both feel that it is the right time for him to move on, and to that end, he has a phone interview for a new job today!  Fingers crossed that this is a good strategic move on his part right now.

And with all of that, I'm out to try and make sense out of all of the chaos my life has turned into.  Have an awesome Monday!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

It's unintentional

I've been in a kind of a daze for the last few weeks.  For whatever reason, life always seems to just get more hectic in the summer.  Last year, it was the wedding, and this year it's moving, marathon training, and having a dog for the first time (and if you don't think that complicates life, get one and then reconsider).  Not necessarily bad things, just things that take up time, so much in fact that by the end of the day, I am bone tired.

We took my brother to Denver Comic Con on Saturday, and it was such a fun time.  Ammon and I chose to do this with him as his birthday present, and I think we were all so glad.  It was a very long day, but it was worth it.

I don't think I've gotten to hang out with my brother like that in years.  We don't have a lot in common, and we aren't particularly close.  It's a bummer, really.  I see/hear people talk about close relationships with siblings, and I really can't relate.  However, I feel like I did a dang good job with this birthday gift, and managed to get my brother something that he will remember for a long time.

Sunday morning I woke up tired and with achy legs.  I knew that 7 miles was not going to go down nicely, especially after the massive amounts of walking that we did at Comic Con.  My legs were not having any of it.  I reminded myself that the workouts you least need to do are the ones that you most need, and I dragged my sorry little self out the door around 8am to get business done.  In an effort to increase mental toughness, I picked the hilliest, hardest route by my house.  Because, you know, that's fun.

I wish that photos accurately depicted how much this hill sucks.  It was insanely slow, and I was cursing every other step, but I finished it with plenty of time to shower and get ready for brunch with my parents for Father's day.  You know what's better than brunch?  Brunch after running a whole mess of miles, that's what.  You get to eat all of the things without feeling the least bit guilty about it, and so I did just that.  Afterward, we made our way over to my parents' house where they ceremoniously gifted me with 2 of my all-time favorite pairs of sunglasses.

Those neon sunglasses are my favorite cycling sunglasses, and are sooooooooo comfortable.  They are Oakley's circa 1989 or so, and they are perfection.  I don't care who might make fun of them... and many people have over the years.  They're my jam.  Also, I think it's safe to blame my love of big sunglasses on my parents.  I mean, look at the sunglasses that I've been wearing my whole life, versus my current sunglasses... not a whole lot of difference.  Case and point.

Well, wow.  That just turned into an unintentional weekend update.  I had meant to write about other things, but sometimes that is just the way things go around here.  Oh well.

What kind of sunglasses do you love?

What is the hardest running route in your area like?

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

My dog is a danger to my health

I never thought my dog would actually be BAD for me, yet somehow, this is exactly what has happened.

Doesn't he look so sweet and innocent?  I mean... how could someone with a face like that be a toxic entity in my life?  However, Gunner has now managed to pull me over not once, but twice now while we were out.  Once on a walk when he saw a sweet widdle cuddly bunny, and the other time last night while we were out on a run and a punk on a skateboard rolled on by.  For whatever reason, Gunner HATES skateboards with an unholy passion.  I'm amazed that Mr. Punk didn't end up on the concrete right along with me.

Yet when we get home, and we both plop down on the ground, equally worn out and equally happy from our evening run, I tend to forget all about what a terror he was going after every single dog we see, and how keeping him focused is more challenging than getting 70 sorority girls to agree on a t-shirt for a philanthropy event.  All of that goes away, because we both ran hard and got a good workout.

Then again, I look like this after a run with Gunner, so that might be written off as delusion.  I'm not 100% sure.  I just know this will probably not be the last time that Gunner knocks me over in pursuit of one thing or another.

Monday, June 9, 2014

A post where I talk about 5 big new items

The idea when I pulled up blogger to write a post was that I would write about several random, unrelated topics.  I then realized that there was an obvious theme to this post, all centering around some big news I haven't gotten around to sharing with you yet.  And be ready, because this is big news.  Like, bigger than coming home from a successful 10 mile run, and having to share with everyone that you are going to crush a race, big news.  I'm keeping the list format, because I like lists.  The accountant in me really loves everything about them.

1)  We still don't have word on funding for Ammon's job just yet, but we remain fairly optimistic that the company will be re-funded, and he will continue to receive paychecks.  The President and VP of R&D have been off working their mojo to get some private-sector funding while we wait on pins and needles to see if they are receiving additional grant funding.  It's pretty much one of the most stressful moments of our lives, because...

2)  We rented a house!  Yup, Gunner, Beckham, Ammon and I are moving into a house on August 1st.  This is obviously a massive change for us.  The price is substantially more than what we pay in rent currently, and we will also have to pay utilities, which have been included in our rent for the last 3.5 years.  Regardless of these things, we are really looking forward to our new abode.  I am posting ONE picture from the realtor's website... but know that the house has been repainted, and obviously there will be many more pictures to come once we start the moving in process.  Gunner can't wait to sniff around in his fully fenced dog run, and the fully fenced back yard!

Oh yeah, Ammon is pretty thrilled about the attached garage, too :).

3)  We started packing/shifting things around in anticipation of the move.  And by started, I mean just barely, and most people would say not really.  We did clean out two smaller storage closets yesterday, and started making decisions about what will be going to the new house, and what won't be.  Everything is kind of sitting around in our apartment waiting to be sorted... and as a result, we totally look like hoarders.

There's also a rocking chair in our dining room, and a huge stack of cardboard boxes in our office.  We have been collecting boxes for a while in anticipation of being able to move at some point, and they were filling nearly half of one of our storage closets!  Thankfully, though, it means one less item on the logistics list.  My goal is to have the majority of the non-essential items packed up and staged in our garage in Fort Collins (that we rented to house stuff for the wedding, and then never got rid of) by the 4th of July so that we can have a leg up on the actual move.

4)  Our freezers are absolutely full to the brim, and it's freaking me out.  I refuse to try and move all of those frozen goods!  So operation eat what we have on hand is commencing.  Not only will we have less to move, but we're going to be saving some money too!  I usually stock up on things at Sam's club, which has filled our freezers to the top, which is a great thing for everyday...  If we're short on time, I can almost always throw together dinner quickly.  We're going to have to get creative with meals for the next few weeks, but I feel very confident we can eat our way through this situation, and live to tell the tale.

5)  One thing I immediately started thinking about once we signed the lease was where I would run!  We've had 3.5 years to find good, safe places for me to run, and we will be uprooting in the middle of marathon training, with a 20 mile run ahead of me.  Luckily, we are going to be moving up to Fort Collins, which has an incredible bike/running path system.  As long as I can find a place nearby to get on the trail, I can go for miles and miles on it!  I already utilize a few of the Fort Collins trails in my lunchtime runs, so this shouldn't be impossible... it's just going to take a little more planning.

So essentially, everything in our lives is changing right now in big, wonderful ways.  We love it all, and feel so fortunate that this is where life is taking us right now.  We are definitely nervous though... it is a new beginning, and those always bring a little uncertainty.  We can't wait to bring you with us on this journey!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The paradigm

Happy Tuesday!  Is it going well for you so far?   I am typing this blind this morning (pretty literally), so please excuse any typos.  I lost my glasses over the weekend, and since then I've been wearing really old contacts that I haven't brought myself to smash over my poor eyes this morning.  Luckily, this should be the last day of that, since I was able to get an optometrist appointment for this morning.

That's been pretty much the standard for my life the last couple of weeks, it feels like.  We have been on the go almost constantly for the last couple of weeks, and it doesn't look like it will be abating anytime soon.  I love living a busy life.  I love knowing that there are things to do, and that I'm not wasting this precious gift I have been given.

We made it out to Red Rocks for a concert.  That's one of those special Colorado things that you can't bottle up and explain to people.  They just have to go experience it for themselves.

We redeemed a Living Social deal for a super fancy Steakhouse that's in the basement of an old bank building in downtown Denver.  I made Ammon wear a suit.  We had before dinner cocktails.  I wish good deals like this came up more often.  We like living fancy.

And we drank beer with some of our favorite people.  These guys make me laugh so incredibly hard.

Our life totally doesn't suck, and I feel like on some level, this may come across as me showing off.  That isn't what I'm after.  There were major hiccups with each of these days, hiccups that have, in fact, been overshadowing the awesome parts in my mind.  That's dumb, because each of these times was pretty great.  I got to b with the man I love, doing special things.  That's pretty great, and this is my declaration that I am trying to focus on the positives in each of these events over the bad parts.

As Ammon once overheard a stoned trust-fund hippie in Boulder say, "It's the paradigm man, The paradigm."  Indeed, Boulder hippie, you could not be more correct.

Monday, June 2, 2014


I rarely listen to music when I run.  For whatever reason, I actually run slower when I use music.  Go figure.  However, when a run just sounds like the worst possible thing that I could ever want to do, in the earphones go, and on goes I Heart Radio's 50 minute workout station.  Why they call it that, I have no idea, but I totally dig it.  The best part of this station is that it's a really good range of music, and it keeps me moving at a good clip for about a 5k, which is all that I can talk myself into running when I'm to the point of needing to use music during a run.

Remarkably, however, "Roar" almost always comes up when I'm running.  And regardless of how my run feels, or how fast or slow I am slogging along, this song gets me moving.  It seems to be an anthem for me lately in regards to running.  I am, at best, an incredibly mediocre runner.  I have zero notions that I will ever be anything else.  When this song comes on though, or when it pops into my head, it reminds me to be the most awesome mediocre runner I can be.

I may never, ever run an 8:00 min mile.  It doesn't matter if I do.  All that matters to me when it comes to running is trying my best, working consistently, and remembering to try and enjoy the process.  To me, that is taking control of my fitness power.  That is what it means to Roar as a runner.

Also, this song came on during a run this week, and it was magical.

I could really go for some cake right now, I don't know about you.

What is your fitness Roar?