Thursday, January 10, 2013

Sharks with frikkin' laser beams

You know how I keep telling you that I have so many things to say, but they don't all play nicely with each other.  Well, that really is how I think.  A lot of the time, Ammon asks me what I'm thinking, and all I can do is stare blankly at him, because I have no idea how to express the weird.

But, I happen to know that you guys find it hilarious when I ramble and make no sense.  So it's funny to me that I worry about posting these.  You and I both know you're going to love it.  So without further ado...

We had an 8am staff meeting 45 minutes from my house yesterday, with all 53 of the other employees of our new organization.  I am not a human before 9:30am, because I can not physically consume enough coffee before that time to make myself so.  Mostly because when I wake up, I feel like a volcano has errupted somewhere between my diaphragm and my uterus.  Every morning.  So I can't drink coffee before 8am.

The volcano comment from above makes me think of Austin Powers, when Dr. Evil is talking about magma.  The Austin Powers trilogy are my favorite funny movies of all time, and I obsessively quote them for no reason.  I am trying to convince my dad that we should do our Daddy - Daughter dance to the theme song.

My dad still cheers every time Britney's head explodes.  He also suggested we have a sign at the wedding that says "It's My Happening, Baby, and it freaks me out".  I think this is a fantastic idea.

I haven't updated the wedding blog in forever, even though I have 2 GREAT guest posts I can use.  I am just having a hard time getting myself in the mood.  Thinking about the wedding stresses me out.

I started shaking uncontrollably for no reason at the bridal show.  Normally, I would attribute this to the massive crush of people surrounding me, but I'm beginning to wonder if it was my body shutting down from my boycotting of cupcakes, candy, cake pops, chocolate covered strawberries, and catering samples.

I forgot just how monotonous the first few weeks of eating low-carb are.  Eggs get old really fast when they are the mainstay of your morning.  But since I lost 3 pounds in week one, we're gonna call it a success and chug on forward.

Except that the only chugging around here is chugging water.  No alcohol for at least 3 months.  Which, I am totally okay with.  Regardless of what it may seem on this here blog, while I enjoy spirits, they aren't a huge part of our life.  When I was in the sorority on the bike team, we couldn't drink for 4-5 months on end, and it never bothered me.  I just played the same drinking games as everyone else, but with water.  They are still hard, try drinking 60 ounces of water in one hour sometime.  Brutal.

I'm watching the first episode of this season's biggest loser on hulu while writing this.  Ammon uses a very colorful phrase to describe shows like this, and if you ask me, I will email that phrase to you.  However, I don't want my blog to hit filters for inappropriate content, so I'm not putting it here.  But that's a tangent.  I don't know why I watch the stupid show.  It makes me so angry 60% of the time, and Jillian is my least favorite.  Which is hilarious, because her weekly podcast show that she had for a while is AWESOME.  The one season of a show where she went into people's homes and helped them make over their lives?  So inspiring.  But she pisses me off on BL.  So much.  Stop being a B, and start being a human.

I also detest the fact that it's a fast-results diet, and they're trying to pass it off as a lifestyle thing.  You can not maintain what they do at the ranch in your own home if you are working, have a family, or even would like to pretend to have a little bit of a life every now and then.

This post has talked a lot about diets and weight.  That's interesting.


  1. Your title of this post made me laugh!! Have a great Thursday :)

  2. I want to know what Ammon says about the Biggest Loser. I don't watch it, but I'm sure I'll find it just as funny.

  3. I want to know what Ammon says too! And I hate BL, I hate all of those shows. And... Austin Powers is funny. But it is just more weird to me. My friend Laura (you know the one) had her 'secret theme' of her wedding be Dr. Who. As I've never seen the show, I didn't get it at all. Themed weddings.... awkward. Well, to me at least, because I'm usually pretty slow at reaching the curve with everyone else.

    I can get behind bird cage veils, picnic baskets, and fleece blankets. Every day of the week. If I got married again, I would wear bright red lipstick, have a birdcage veil, wear pretty white gloves and a 1950's inspired dress. Oh yes I would.

    Did you like my wedding guest post? That was ages ago!

  4. First can I write a guest post for the wedding blog? I obviously am post wedding, but I've certainly learned some VALUEABLE lessons.

    The biggest loser has always kind of annoyed me too particularly because I used to most frequently eat dinner while watching it which is kind of not the point right? I mean they should be encouraging people to NOT watch it because surely watching a lot of tv is part of the obesity problem in the long run.

    Also, Austin Power is hilarious. The end.

  5. Lol I loved following your train of thought.

  6. I feel like a volcano has errupted somewhere between my diaphragm and my uterus.

    Girl I am not really sure what that means, but I laughed out loud.

  7. I agree that Jillian is awful on BL. The stuff they put those people through is just crazy.


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