A letter to an old friend

Dear Carbohydrates,

 

Wow, can you believe that we have been separated since January 2nd?  It's felt like forever for me too.  I know that you're eager to get back together.  After all, my rear end and midsection are outstanding places to hang out in the winter months.

However, I hope you won't be mad when I tell you that I still can't see you.  I wish I could, but this is kind of a toxin relationship we have.  I know that you give, Carbs, but when the giving is extra cushion and belly bloat, I'm just not sure that I want your gifts.  I have to think about my wedding dress, and my wedding photos.  I can't be looking 4 months pregnant, just because you and I had a lovely evening on the couch.

So I'm begging you, pleading, actually, that you stop with the offers of love.  I get that you taste good, and that you make me happy.  Our relationship is well documented.  I know how we feel about each other.  My love for you will never fade, but I'm a selfish woman who wants to look hot.  I know that deep down you understand that about me.  I mean, I'm also the selfish woman who hogs her desserts.  It goes both ways, Carbs, towards the good and the bad.

Have no fear, though:  come June 22, you can bet your bottom dollar that you and I are going to have a few fantastic moments together.  I hope I just don't get too enthusiastic about you when Ammon starts feeding me that cake.  It's a family moment that will be documented forever, so make sure you're on your best behavior.

Sugar-free will never be as good as you are...

If I ruled the world

Yesterday was a little bit intense for me.  As I wrote it on Monday night, all I could think was, "these people are getting up close and personal with my biggest failure of my adult life.  Lord, have mercy."  So thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your kindness, your wisdom, your compassion, your understanding.  If ever I have laid my heart bare in a post, it was yesterday, and you all were very gentle.  I love you for that, now and always.

But today we are going to be talking about much happier things.  Brie at Wine Fueled Girl asked everyone to answer the age old monologue prompt "If I ruled the world".  Well, I am all on board with that, as I am great at giving my opinion about everything and anything in life.

If I ruled the World...

Every country would run on the same schedule the Spaniards have.  Wake up later, a nap mid-day, and party your pants off all night.  None of this waking up at 6:00am or earlier for work business.

Sending cards and letters via postal mail would be obligatory. Everyone loves pretty mail.

Air travel would be super-cheap for bloggers, so that they could go visit their blogger friends whenever the mood strikes.

Nobody would have issues with "slow metabolisms".  Carbs for all!

Everyone between the ages of 18-70 would have to either work, or be actively raising a child.  With so many people in the work force, the requirements for being full-time could be lowered, giving more time for friends, family, and hobbies.

 
Say it with me people... no wine hangovers.  EVER AGAIN.

We would all be respectful of each other's religious and political beliefs.

Boys would love romantic comedies.

A greater percentage of the male population would look just like Matt Damon.  Swoon.  They would all be my pool boys.

Mass transit wouldn't be such a pain in the butt, and so unsanitary.  And thus, everyone would use it.  No traffic jams ever!

There are a lot of other things I would do, but let's face it, what's more important than fixing metabolic issues and hangovers?  Not a lot in my book.  What would you do if you ruled the world?

Letting things go

Yesterday, I did something that I had been putting off doing for a very, very, very long time.  Before I tell you just what I let go of, I need to give you some serious back-story on my pathology.

I don't let go of things.  Emotionally, spiritually, or physically.  I hold on to good things and bad things for a very long time.  This has been the case with me for my entire life.  It makes living in a 2 bedroom apartment very cramped when you have this problem.  In fact, we have 2 extra storage closets, plus a garage for storage, just to accommodate some of my excess.  It's embarrassing.  What do two people in their late 20's need with all of this stuff?

I think most of you know by now that I was involved in Mary Kay Cosmetics as an Independent Beauty Consultant for a couple of years.

What you don't know is that my involvement with that organization caused me to make some really bad decisions.  I allowed myself to go into a lot of debt, simply so that I could buy enough product to win the prizes and impress my Sales Director.  I believed the people around me when they told me that by "investing" in all of this product, I was setting myself up for success.  That I could, and would be one of the next sales directors to spring from my unit, earning a good amount of money, all while working from home on my own schedule.

This was the car that I was convinced I was going to earn in no time, the Chevy Equinox Crossover.  I had pictures of this car all over my apartment, keeping my eye on the prize.

You know what though?  As it turned out, Mary Kay wasn't the right path for me.  I had known it for a long time.  I knew that working for myself was really, really hard, and that I wasn't ready for it.  I wasn't able to pay my credit bills for my product with my sales, and so instead I started using my personal money to cover the costs.  What happened after that was a complete landslide into debt.  It's something that I've been very reticent to talk about, even 3 years later.  I am still paying for those poor choices.

And until yesterday, I still had about $3,000 worth of product sitting in a storage closet.  Yes, $3,000.  Conservative estimate, could've been more.  I had been wanting to donate it to a Women's shelter for ages.  And yet, I couldn't let go of it.  I was hoarding it, holding it, assuming that maybe someone would want something, or I could give it as gifts, or something.  I don't quite know.  I do know that every time I saw that stack of product, I felt a deep sense of failure.  It wasn't bad enough to have to look at my bills every month and see how far I'd gotten off track, I also had physical, tangible reminders of my biggest financial mistake.  Yesterday, I let it all go.  I saved a few products I still loved, and took the rest to an organization that helps battered women.  After dropping it off, I texted Ammon to let him know what I had just accomplished.

He asked me how I felt.

I felt terrified.  I still feel terrified as I write this.  Because now I really have to cut my losses and move on.  The physical reminder of failure is gone.  Yes, the financial reminder is still there, and it probably will be for a while.  But I'm one step closer.

I've been hoarding these feelings about this all for a very long time.  I felt ashamed, and I worried that I would be judged harshly for my choices.  I have already been judged for my choices by people.  I have judged myself.   I'm realizing now that the only way to move past these emotions is to admit to them, and to talk about them.  If people want to judge me, that's on them, I guess. 

So now, as someone who doesn't let go of things well, I ask for your advice.  How do you move past failure?  How do you let go of thoughts, emotions, and possessions that are holding you back?

In attempts to brighten your day

Hello, Friends.  I know your Monday probably sucks just a little bit right now.  I have something for that.  Don't worry, just plug your headphones into your computer, and make sure you can watch videos.  Or watch this on your phone during your lunch break.  And then thank Alissa for issuing the "What's in your senior yearbook?" Challenge.  Good call, Alissa.  Good call.

Can we talk for a minute about how long it takes for my vlogs to upload to YouTube?  Holy heck!  It usually takes anywhere from 20-45 minutes, and that's assuming it uploads on the first try.  I understand that in theory, I can record directly from youtube... that just seems to be an awful lot of work the one or two times I have tried it.  This video took 2 hours.  Yes, 2 hours.  I love you.

I'm really trying to get into the Daily Grace and My Drunk Kitchen on YouTube.  Everyone else seems to think they're hilarious, and I'm starting to think that I have either a horrible sense of humor, or I am not catching the correct episodes.  I do love all of the alcohol Hannah drinks as part of her "recipes", and the fact that Grace cut her own bangs on a vlog.  I just haven't fallen 185% in love yet.

In completely unrelated news, as some of you saw on Instagram last night (follow me, @RadiantKristen), I caved in and bought a generic weekly/monthly planner from target for $7.  It was a good price, and between work, school, and wedding schtuff, I really needed to have even a mediocre system.

Heck yes, I do in fact color code my planner.  You should try it sometime... very helpful.

Before you ask, the planner is by Greenrooom.  I chose it because it has the "month at a glance", 2 page weeks, and 2 full pages for notes each month.  It also has all of the 2013 AND 2014 holidays printed at the front on a quick reference sheet.  That right there made me pretty happy.  Okay, a lot happy.  It's the little things, you know?

So as we part ways and you go back to your Monday, I'll go back to mine.  But if you aren't quite ready yet, you can head on over to my wedding blog, For Richer or for DIY and find out all about my wedding dress!

Smartly-favored, huh?

I have to let you guys in on a secret.  I think that the Anonymous comments that make absolutely zero sense and link to spam websites are absolutely hilarious.  I always end up deleting them, but only after I get a chuckle or two.  Also, they are always left on the same exact blog post.  You can find the post in question here.

Well, I got the granddaddy of all comments on Thursday morning.  The kind that leaves you confused, amused, and slightly offended at the same time.  It's too good to not share, so let's all have a laugh, yes?

What i do not understood is actually how you are no longer actually much
more smartly-favored than you may be now. You're very intelligent. You already know thus considerably on the subject of this subject, made me individually imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men don't seem to be involved until it is
one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs nice. All the time deal with
it up!

So, I know thus considerably on the subject of this subject, huh?  Yes, I DO know about how my macroeconomics final was finally over, and how I had never been to a baby shower.

I don't know what the "Woman Gaga" business is all about???

But clearly, I used to be far more "smartly favored" than I am now.  Because I made a typo in the title?

I'm sure everyone gets these kinds of comments on the regular.  However, they at least do their best to try to make them make sense.  This one just makes so little sense I can't help but think it's the most ridiculous spam comment I will ever get.  And those kinds of comments beg to be shared.

So, thank you Anonymous, for telling me that I'm selling out, and writing the most nonsensical spam comment I have ever recieved.  Well done, sir or madam.  Well done.

So you know, I had every intention of doing the yearbook vlog challenge that Alissa issued to everyone earlier this week.  However, I started getting sick Wednesday night, and I'm just not up to it.  Maybe this weekend.  Maybe Monday.  Who knows?  I'm spontaneous like that.

One of those Sesame Street type things

Today's post is brought to you by the letter "S".  Today, S is for serendipity, and for school.

Source: Uploaded by user via Carol on Pinterest

Serendipity:  That perfect moment when 2 people are brought together by fate.  Something special, interesting, almost magical happens in this moment.  Okay, it isn't the official definition.  Not even close.  But it's my definition, and by gum, I am sticking with it.

Maggie and I traded mail yesterday!  How cool is that?  She is one of the lucky 5 ladies I felt inspired to send mail to last Thursday evening, and after a great as usual Google chat on Friday night, she sent me this sweet, adorable card:

I can not begin to tell you how well she nailed it with this one.  The card really, truly captures what I need to strongly consider, and learn and grow in.  I am not good at balance.  I am working hard to acknowledge the great powers within me.  But it is a daily struggle, and I was struggling at the moment this arrived.  Thank you, Maggie, for the right words at the right time.  Especially the sweet, private words on the inside.  Those were fantastic.

School:  It's back in session.  Yesterday was day one of spring semester for both Ammon and I.  Ammon has a night class now on Tuesday nights, so I took my sweet time after work getting home and getting logged on to my 2 classes for the semester.  Then my eyes jumped out of my head, I wigged out for a second, and I realized that I needed to drop one of those 2 classes.  It wasn't going to be right for me, in any way shape or form.  And to add to that, it's something I would need in order to get a Bachelor's, but not an Associates.  Since that's all I'm working on for now, and since the transfer credit limit is 72, I decided to pass on the insane class that would forever ruin my life, and pick up Payroll Accounting to compliment Accounting Principles II.  I'm not sure if this combination will be much better, but I doubt it could be much worse, and it DOES count as required toward my Associates.  And it's practical.

Is that more than you ever wanted to know about my school schedule?

Here's a picture of Beckham to make it all better.  Fun story, I was laying on my stomach, and he was laying on my back when I took this, which is my way of rationalizing how crappy this picture is.  We totally spend more time than I should admit cuddled up like this.

Oh, and as a last point of reference, yesterday marked 5 months until our wedding.  If you think you've seen me in stress mode already (look at all these S words today!), you haven't seen anything yet.  These next 5 months are going to be insane!!!

The Facts of me

My usual M.O. anymore around here does not include link-ups.  To tell the truth, I get bored of them rather quickly, and all of the work that they bring.  However, I am also running out of blog post ideas these days, and I thought that the easy prompting of a link-up might help me get back in the groove.  So today, I'm participating in "The Facts of Me" link-up with Whitney over at I Wore Yoga Pants to Work.



Whitney's premise is that whenever you go to a theme park, zoo, aquarium, etc they have the most interesting little tidbits to share, tidbits that blow your mind.  Her goal with this link-up is that we all share the tidbits about us that would blow people's minds.

I am always, always, always cold, except for the hours of 3am-6am, when my body all at once decides to release the heat it has been sucking in all day.  I have woken up sick before from overheating in the middle of the night.

I talk in my sleep.  A lot.  Ammon will periodically keep records of the things I say, and they are pretty hilarious.

I don't like Klondike bars.  I would not do anything for one.

I do love non-bar-shaped ice cream, and will do a lot for it.

I have a life-long dream of being a modern-day 1950's domestic goddess.

I can't sleep with less than 2 blankets.

I use cheaper shampoo and body wash than Ammon does.

I have double the make-up stash of most women, and I rarely use any of it.

I get more excited about new cooking gadgets than anything else.

My car is a 2000 Ford Focus that has had multiple names.  It started out as "Coutry Boy Bubba" and now it is "The Death Focus".  I named my bike "Matt Damon".

My scooter does not have a name, but it is my favorite mode of transportation in the whole wide world.

I own 4 white skirts, and I want more.

I am convinced that the Dunkin Donuts Cinnamon Spice coffee came about through divine intervention.

I try to get people to hang out with me by bribing them with fancy food.  If you come to visit, I will most likely cook some 4-course Julia Child masterpiece, and try to stuff you to the gills, grandmother style.

I went out with my friends at midnight for my 21st birthday, then 10 hours later had to go celebrate with my Grandmother, Great-Aunt, and several cousins.  It is the only time in my life that I have turned down cheesecake (And I'm pretty sure Grandma and Aunt Dee-Dee were just trying to make me miserable on purpose).

{Somehow, pictures of the event have gone missing from facebook...}

I almost always have 2 or 3 bruises of unknown origin.

I have never broken a bone, but I have managed to damage just about every single soft tissue in my body (ligaments, tendons, muscles, fascia...)

Well, do you think tha's enough fun facts?  Me too.  After all, I want you to come back soon and learn more =)

An attached girl's take on single living

Ammon was out of town all weekend.  He comes back tonight.  Remember how last week I talked about how I wanted to do a tongue in cheek post about the things that you can do when you're single that are really hard in a long-term relationship?  Well, after a couple of days of living that dream, I can safely share with you now.  I hope all you non-single ladies can nod your heads, chuckle, and remember the days before your behind took an accidental 3am plunge.

1)  I alluded to it above:  Not having to worry about that stupid toilet seat.

2)  The thermostat.  It's all yours.  Alllllllllllllllllllllll yours.  No worrying about setting it, walking away, and ten seconds later that man friend sidling up and changing it back.

3)  You get to have complete control of the blankets.  No fighting anyone for more or less blankets, no compromises about which blankets are and are not needed on the bed.

Okay, it's a lie:  You will still have to fight the cat for bed space.  But it's better than the below thief:

 This guy likes to steal pillows.  All of the time.

4)  There is no one to judge when you spend 3+ hours at the craft store.

 The dollar bins by the register are always the best part.

5)  Similarly, there is no one to judge when you have a 3 hour skype date Friday night, and then a 4 hour long girl's craft night Saturday night.

6)  You can put emergency ice cream in the freezer, and know for a fact that it will be there for an actual emergency.

I can't tell you how much I wish I had done this over the weekend... but sugar and I are on a break-up right now.  Sigh.

7)  Your cat is the only one around to judge you when you watch "Mean Girls", simply in order to feel better about your own life.

Source: 24.media.tumblr.com via Hutson on Pinterest

8)  You don't have to worry about super secret, super cute February surprises being ruined.  Like, how you had been planning on leaving man friend a love note every day of the month, then he goes and {publicly} demands a love letter in your blog comments.  Totally rude.

Since I still have a few hours of "the single life", I'm going to pass them doing the same wedding crafting crap that has taken up the rest of my single girl's weekend.  I know you all must be amazed at how much of a party animal I am.  Don't worry, it's totally normal =).  Have a great MLK day!

Planning it out

I had wanted to do a post about the things that you can do while single that you can not do when you're in a long-term, committed relationship.  But I couldn't get it to sound the right way in my head.  Apparently, I can't make everything funny.  Well, shoot.

So, instead, I thought I would let you into my head a little bit today.  I am pretty organized when it comes to work.  I do everything a certain way, and I expect certain things, and I know exactly how things are supposed to be done, and by which date they need to be completed.  In my personal life, I go in phases.  Sometimes I am just as organized.  Everything is put together, quick, easy to manage, and it flows.  Other times, I just let things happen, and I pretend to be far more organized than I am, relying far to much on a good, but not idetic memory.

Currently, we are in one of those less organized times.  Which is a huge problem, considering how crazy busy these next 5 months and 3 days (but who's counting???) are going to be.  I am already feeling the overwhelm, and it's barely just begun.  It's time to get back on the organization train.

When I'm functioning at my most organized, everything has to be in one place.  That means that appointments, bills, budget, meal plan, shopping list, and to-do lists, monthly overview, and daily appointments must all be together.  They can't go in different places, or exist in disjointed spreadsheets, lists on the fridge, etc.

This is all great.  I know exactly what I need to do in order to get and stay organized.  The challenge comes in finding a cute, affordable, well-made planner that encompasses everything I want and need.  I know some of you are devoted to your Erin Condren life planner.  I know others of you are swearing by Maybooks.  While both can be customized to a certain extent, they do not offer a mix and match option of the inside content.  Maybooks would be the greatest thing since sliced bread if they allowed you to combine options.  Seriously, have you seen how great their layout options are?  And my big complaint about Eric Condren is that you can choose the Life Planner, or the Notebook.  And while you can use laminated tabs to mark different notes sections, you have to carve out spaces on your own for the items that you want, and they may not be convenient to the other parts of your life at that time.  I need to have my month, my weeks, my monthly budget, my meal planning, and my lists all being friends TOGETHER.



Are you starting to realize just how hard this is for me?  I used to love Covey planners, but those bad boys are expensive, and again, they don't offer the same level of customization.

So what is a girl to do?  I am seriously considering creating my own planner and having it bound through a local printing shop.  I'm lucky enough to have a graphic design student for a brother, and a little bit of know-how in publisher.  But let's be real... someone out there has to have faced the same issues that I am having.  There has to be someone out there creating planners that can be customized... doesn't there?  Am I the only person who sees where all of these other books fall flat?  Or am I seriously misjudging the worth of these other planners?  I know that they all offer blank pages for writing in whatever you want, but if I'm being perfectly honest here, unless it tells me to do something, like meal planning, or my budget, those blank pages will go unused.

Please consider this my cry for help.  If you know of the magic golden goose of planners, please tell me.  If you think that I'm actually on to something, and that we could actually make a business together selling 100% customized planners, please also tell me.  It would make me feel like I'm not crazy if someone else told me that they needed the same level of organization in their lives in order to feel successful.

Kindness, and Really???

I realize that yesterday's post came off a little... grumpy.  Yes, grumpy is a good word for yesterday's post.  That isn't what I meant by it.  There are good things in my life, please don't think for a second that there are not.  It was just that all of those grumpy things were the only things jumping at me yesterday.

In order to balance out the grump, today we are going to talk about happy things.  Happy mail, in fact.  Have you all seen around the interwebs the 2013 "pay it forward" with snail mail thing?  The idea is that you have 5 people sign up in the comments section of your blog, and during the year, you send each of the 5 of them a little something to brighten their life.  At no specific time, no specific item.  Just something.  The only thing that is asked in return is that you offer the same to your readers, and keep the love alive.

How cool is this???  I about died I so loved this.  There is nothing better than going to the mailbox and having something sweet waiting for you.  I know, because this came in the mail yesterday, and all goodness and warmth in my heart yesterday came from this sweet, simple piece of mail.

I just so happened to sign up for the "pay it forward" thing with Kim right after she had sent this sweet note in the mail, so it was like a freebie!  However, I've watched a whole lot of feel-good reality tv over the years, and I knew that the right thing to do was to pass my freebie along.  So yesterday, with my heart full to bursting with love, I sent out 5 little love notes of my own.  Not because of the rules of the snail mail chain, but because I just kept having people pop into my mind that I wanted to love on.  I want it to be a surprise to the ladies getting their notes, but I couldn't help but show everyone a sneak peek of the notes.

So today I have an offering, and a challenge.  I am offering to ANY of you who would like a little love in the mail to leave me a comment below, and MAKE SURE that I have a valid email address for you.  We'll coordinate for addresses, and then at some point during the year, I'll send you something great.  I'm not limiting it to 5, because that simply isn't my style.  I do ask that you, in turn, offer to do the same for at least 5 people on your own blogs, and keep the love flowing.

My challenge goes out to the 5 lucky girls about to receive love notes:  I challenge you to send the love on to people you deem in need, whether they blog or not, and with no intention of getting anything in return.  It's a great feeling to be able to give to others, and you never know when you could be brightening someone's day.

So, in other, completely unrelated news, I just cleared the photos out of my phone... holy buckets!  Remind me to do that more often... it was absolutely brutal.  I'm not sure why I thought half of those pictures were necessary, but I did.  And now I'm cursing myself for it.  But thankfully, the digital age allows us all to be data hoarders.  I guess I just need to buy another thumb drive or two.  We'll just pretend that the random pictures are all for the sake of blogging.  Yeah, that's a good thing to pretend.

So, yeah.  Sign up for a chance to get mail from me.  I promise I won't awkwardly stalk you... any more than I already do through your blogs.

Just say the first thing

After a lot of thought, deliberation, and having not blogged for 3 of the last 4 days, I have decided that today we'll play word association.  I have a lot of things to say, but very few good ways to express my thoughts and feelings right now.  So let's give it a whirl, shall we?

Blogging:  Conflicted.  I know that the things I am conflicted about are normal... when to blog, how much to blog, should I grow the blog, should I let the blog do its own thing, am I even worthy of having this space?  All questions that tumble through my head when I think about that word. 

I do a lot of that comparison stuff when I think about my blog.  I see the people who started after I did who have 900+ followers.  I see that there are bloggers who make almost as much money with part-time blogging as they do a their full-time job.  That isn't necessarily what I want.  To tell the truth, I don't know what I want.  This blog has had an identity crisis since day one.

Money:  Cringe.  We are doing things to change our situation, but they are slow going.  It's hard when two people are trying to make it on an income equivalent to 50% of the area median income for their size household.  This isn't to say that we want your pity, it's just really hard.  I am counting down the days until Ammon is working full time, and we can actually put together a plan that will move us in the direction of a brighter tomorrow.

Diet:  Frustrated.  I have done a great job of sticking with my diet since January 2nd, and have seen few results.  It's the homeostasis thing that my body does.  The "no, I'm good" reflex whenever I try to lose weight.  But I'm not going to give up.  I'm not going to give in.  I will work hard, and that hard work is going to pay off.

People:  Exhausting.  I am an introverted extrovert.  I don't mind being around people, so long as I get a good amount of me time in there too.  Lately, the scales have been unfairly weighted towards higher than average human interaction.  I would really love to go crawl into a cave for 3 days.  It would help me pretend to like people on a more regular basis.

And I think we're good.  There are more word associations I could add, but I'm desperately trying to not crave ice cream right now, and that's a pretty pressing concern for me.  What would your word association look like right now?

Some laughter for your Monday

It's a well established fact that for most of you, Mondays really suck.  That first day of the week is hard, y'all.  I know.  Today I'm going to be buried in all things wedding, and so I decided that we all deserved to have a little extra funny in our lives.

My cousin Lindsay is an actress.  She also is a player in a hilarious improv show in Orange County, CA called Improv Shmimprov.  She is also the reason why I don't really think I'm all that funny.  This girl has made liquids go through my nose she's so funny.  And she's beautiful.  And talented.  And I have one of her YouTube clips for you today.  It fits really well here, given my love of tacky holiday wear.  You'll see why.

I know for a FACT that your Monday is much more fun now for having watched that.  I know it to the depths of my soul.  I am off to talk about mundane things like flower arrangements.  Pray for me.

Who remembers the Barbizon commercials?

So, on Wednesday, Michelle did an awesome post about the evolution of her non-smile smiles.  Which got me thinking about how I am a total poser in pictures.  For my whole life, my family has watched on as I struck pose after pose for them.  You won't find many candid photos of me in the world, I just can't handle it.  I have to place myself.  So, I present to you, a guide to posing by Kristen.  Free of charge.  Take that, Barbizon.

How to make yourself look REALLY happy... smile with your mouth slightly open.

How to look like a tough chick... the two finger smoking gun.

There's a long story about this pose, that is really only funny to Missy and I.  But we thought we were cool.

How to look happy when you have dirt on your face, you've just finished a bike race, and all you want is a shower, damn it.

Nailed it.

How to pose with your best friend that you're secretly in love with, and make it look like you don't have feelings for him:

The first time was a little unbelieveable, but we got better.

Much better.

The "I shave my pits today" proof.

We're sexy and we know it

And then there's "standing skinny"... this is a pose taught to me by the Mary Kay women, and it's my most often used pose.  I strike it pretty much constantly anymore, even when I'm just standing around.

This is a textbook demonstration of how Mary Kay women stand when there is a camera within 50 feet of them.

See?  Even in real life...

And for good measure, a fun one from the bridal show.  Because Denver Convention Center has an awesome bear statue.

What the heck do you do in pictures?  heck out your facebook timeline, and tell us all about it!

Sharks with frikkin' laser beams

You know how I keep telling you that I have so many things to say, but they don't all play nicely with each other.  Well, that really is how I think.  A lot of the time, Ammon asks me what I'm thinking, and all I can do is stare blankly at him, because I have no idea how to express the weird.

But, I happen to know that you guys find it hilarious when I ramble and make no sense.  So it's funny to me that I worry about posting these.  You and I both know you're going to love it.  So without further ado...

We had an 8am staff meeting 45 minutes from my house yesterday, with all 53 of the other employees of our new organization.  I am not a human before 9:30am, because I can not physically consume enough coffee before that time to make myself so.  Mostly because when I wake up, I feel like a volcano has errupted somewhere between my diaphragm and my uterus.  Every morning.  So I can't drink coffee before 8am.

The volcano comment from above makes me think of Austin Powers, when Dr. Evil is talking about magma.  The Austin Powers trilogy are my favorite funny movies of all time, and I obsessively quote them for no reason.  I am trying to convince my dad that we should do our Daddy - Daughter dance to the theme song.

My dad still cheers every time Britney's head explodes.  He also suggested we have a sign at the wedding that says "It's My Happening, Baby, and it freaks me out".  I think this is a fantastic idea.

I haven't updated the wedding blog in forever, even though I have 2 GREAT guest posts I can use.  I am just having a hard time getting myself in the mood.  Thinking about the wedding stresses me out.

I started shaking uncontrollably for no reason at the bridal show.  Normally, I would attribute this to the massive crush of people surrounding me, but I'm beginning to wonder if it was my body shutting down from my boycotting of cupcakes, candy, cake pops, chocolate covered strawberries, and catering samples.

I forgot just how monotonous the first few weeks of eating low-carb are.  Eggs get old really fast when they are the mainstay of your morning.  But since I lost 3 pounds in week one, we're gonna call it a success and chug on forward.

Except that the only chugging around here is chugging water.  No alcohol for at least 3 months.  Which, I am totally okay with.  Regardless of what it may seem on this here blog, while I enjoy spirits, they aren't a huge part of our life.  When I was in the sorority on the bike team, we couldn't drink for 4-5 months on end, and it never bothered me.  I just played the same drinking games as everyone else, but with water.  They are still hard, try drinking 60 ounces of water in one hour sometime.  Brutal.

I'm watching the first episode of this season's biggest loser on hulu while writing this.  Ammon uses a very colorful phrase to describe shows like this, and if you ask me, I will email that phrase to you.  However, I don't want my blog to hit filters for inappropriate content, so I'm not putting it here.  But that's a tangent.  I don't know why I watch the stupid show.  It makes me so angry 60% of the time, and Jillian is my least favorite.  Which is hilarious, because her weekly podcast show that she had for a while is AWESOME.  The one season of a show where she went into people's homes and helped them make over their lives?  So inspiring.  But she pisses me off on BL.  So much.  Stop being a B, and start being a human.

I also detest the fact that it's a fast-results diet, and they're trying to pass it off as a lifestyle thing.  You can not maintain what they do at the ranch in your own home if you are working, have a family, or even would like to pretend to have a little bit of a life every now and then.

This post has talked a lot about diets and weight.  That's interesting.

Things Coloradoans care about

Unless you have lived in CO, it is really hard to understand what the state is about.  I think most states are like this to an extent, but of the 3 states I've lived in (huge sampling, I know), Colorado seems to exemplify this the most.  Since I am 100% invested in getting all of you to either visit me, or even move here, I thought I should share with you just a few of the things that us Coloradoans get our panties in a bunch over.

1)  Peyton Manning.  Oh my word, you would think that we see him as the flippin' Messiah.  within 2 weeks of our buddy Peyton coming to Denver, he had already recorded the "welcome to Denver" monologue for the trains at the airport.  I mean, why in the world is he doing the speech that has typically been done by our Governor?  He isn't really even "from" here!

Source: terezowens.com via Sara on Pinterest

Now, I was living in IN when the Colts won the Superbowl.  It was a big deal.  I had a lot of friends that went to the big parade, and did all of the celebrating and junk.  IN had Manning fever pretty badly too.  But I don't ever remember it being nearly as bad as it is here.

2)  Missy Franklin.  It is an outright sin to live in CO and not love this girl.  She is our little olympic heroine with a sterling GPA, a sunny attitude, and class coming out her you-know-what.  She just started a project with one of Warren Miller's sons about doing a documentary about disabled individuals learning how to SCUBA.  Oh, and she's tall, blonde, and beautiful.  We just love her.

Source: assets.thehollywoodgossip.com via Christin on Pinterest

3) Microbreweries:  I have read A LOT of blogs that all seem to claim that their area is the mecca for microbreweries.  They are all wrong.  Sorry, but it's true.  If you want good quality microbrewed or microdistilled booze, Colorado is where it is at.  Ammon and I could go to a different microbrewery or microdistillery within a 30 mile radius of our house each week for one year, and not hit all of them.  In fact, I'm now really tempted to do just that, and call it something epic... like Growler-thon 2013.

This is a growler.  It is a glass jug specific to a brewery, that you take to the brewery, and they fill it with delicious handcrafted beer.  Our local favorite brewery is less than a mile from our house.

From a different micro-brewery/pub.  Though this is cider, not beer.

4) The Mountains and the outdoors:  Growing up, my most memorable shopping trips seemed to revolve around various sporting goods and outdoor stores.  Eastern Mountain Sports, REI, Performance Bicycle, Fly Fishing shops, Boulder Ski Deals, etc.  Those were always fun, because they were the precursor to spending lots of time outside.  If there is a way to enjoy the outdoors, regardless of the weather or season, we will make it happen, and we will smile while we do it.  After all, how could you not with views like these?

5) Anything that can carry the Colorado stamp:  We are so proud of anything that got its start, or made a name for itself in Colorado.  The Fray and The Lumineers are OUR bands, and always will be.  We shop at Farmer's markets and love them, because we can chat with OUR farmers, and buy food grown on OUR fields.  Chipotle, and Noodles and Company were started here, and it's tough to find someone around here that doesn't know it.  Oh, and we have an awesome amphitheater called Red Rocks.  It's a pretty big deal, I guess.  At least, we think it is, and bands are always saying it's their favorite venue.  Even Mr. Mraz, who shot this video there.

Alright, I've bragged enough for one day.  But doesn't it make you want to come visit REALLY badly, if only to hear Peyton himself welcome you to Denver?