First off, to the makers of Mucinex: Your products are not strong enough for my spring allergies, and that pisses me off.
To the makers of NyQuil: God bless you people. Even if I'm not technically breathing while I'm sleeping, you knocked me out for 9 hours Tuesday night. That is remarkable.
To the makers of tissue: I'm still waiting for you to deliver a product that does not turn me into Rudolph. Is that really so much to ask for???
To the makers of Emergen-C: Your tangerine flavor is no bueno. Super Orange and Raspberry are bomb, though.
To the writers of "Community": That's funny stuff. I just started with the pilot a few days ago, and I'm sad that I never tried this show before.
To the weather: You can suck a fish, okay? This is nonsense. It's April, for cripes' sake.
To the old Asian man that makes my Pho: You are a god in my eyes, and I just love you.
To the big knot on my leg: Yes, it was not a good idea that I bashed my leg into the corner of that filing cabinet. But really, you don't have to be so nasty about things.
To Friday: You aren't coming nearly soon enough. This girl needs some brewery time, stat.