I had a really real, deep talk with one of my favorite bloggers over that particular post. I came to the conclusion that blogging is becoming more and more like my real life. Where I can't talk about what is real in my world, without censoring certain aspects of the story, without seeking to shield myself. I'm letting things in this world hurt and affect me. I get very sensitive when people don't receive what I have to say in the way that I hope they would, instead of realizing that everyone interprets things in their own way. I mean, look at the flipping bible, and how many different denominations have sprung up, based on differing interpretations of scripture. Look at how divisive a book that was created to unite has become. Do I really think that I am more eloquent than the most inspiring, prolific authors known to history?
That's an awfully narcissistic thought. I hate that I even just pondered that whole thing. I hate that I compared myself to the authors of the bible. Clearly, it's a self-love issue I've been having lately.
My readership hasn't grown lately. I thought it was because my posts lately have been less. Less funny, less inspiring, less random. And I was absolutely, 100% correct. My posts have been less, and it is adversely impacting my writing. But at the same time, my posts lately have absolutely reflected my thoughts, my feelings, my attitudes. I have been lessening myself. I have not been making myself have the outrageous moments, the outrageous thoughts, and I haven't taken a single risk in a long time. Unless you're afraid of germs, and you think that letting a puppy kiss you on the mouth is a risk. In which case, I'm a born rebel, baby.
So this is what I think I need to do, y'all. Yes, I say y'all. I live in Colorado, and I don't give a flip what you think of my use of slang. I'm just going to try to let it all hang out, the way we would in college when the Freshmen needed to waste meal points, and we hadn't eaten a decent meal in weeks. I'm going to quit caring about finding the perfect picture for my blog posts, because "don't you know that people will only pay attention to your posts if there are high-quality, relevant pictures?" Bull-shit.
Oh snap... she used a curse. Given that the "B-word" is allowed on cable now, I think that I can let my BS flag fly. Also, does anyone else remember feeling a little bit uncomfortable for Kate Hudson in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" when she stumbles into the family BS tournament??? I mean, she handles it with such grace, but I felt so awkward inside the first time I watched that scene until everyone starts laughing as she shouts Bull-shit for the first time.
I have other rules that I plan on breaking, too. This whole notion of "blogging inside the lines" is starting to make me itch like a cheap wool sweater. However, I'm having a hard enough time staying on topic, so maybe I'll just leave it at "letting it all hang out" and "not needing to scour the internets, my phone, and pinterest for the perfect pictures. But don't worry, I'll break my new rules by sometimes following the old rules, in true rule breaker fashion.
I just confused myself.