Monday, August 18, 2014

Nothing of importance

I don't really know what to talk about today, but not because I have nothing to say... more because I have too much to say, and it is all word vomit on top of word vomit.  I feel like if I start talking about one thing, a volcano of something else is going to spew all over it.  Maybe I should try, though.  Yes?  Sure.

1)  Running has been all about embracing the suck lately.  It's been hot, and humid, and I feel tired almost every time I go for a run.  Nothing feels truly good or natural about it, but I'm pressing onward, simply continuing to seek that golden zone that I was in during half marathon training where running felt magical and incredible.  I just keep telling myself that these runs are engaging my mental toughness, and my ability to persevere.

I'm obviously smiling because I'm done.  Not because my 7 mile run on Sunday inspired joy and happiness in my life.

2)  I have had an awesome blog post bopping around in my head for weeks now about how runners are exactly like small children.  I really should write that dang post, it has all of the makings of being funny.  But I'm concerned that I haven't been a funny person (in my writing) lately, and I've forgotten how.

3)  Along those lines, I haven't felt like myself for the last year or so.  I feel like the crisis mode version of myself... all the time.  Just going from one big thing to the next, without taking the time to find joy, or be happy... let alone live a Radiant life.  I feel like a phony.  Like I should be bigger, better, more somehow than what I've been recently.  It makes me sad, because I don't know how to get back to that place.  Life doesn't appear to be slowing down, and I'm not sure that the problems that started to bring me down in the first place are ever going to go away.  It's going to take a lot of work and a lot of action to become that person again, and I'm honestly terrified of the entire prospect.  I do, however, know that the way I am living right now is not good enough, and that I deserve more than this.  My family deserves better from me.

4)  We are nesting!  After getting all of our junk moved out of the old place, we totally stalled out on getting everything unpacked and set up over here.  We definitely made progress with that over the weekend; We moved the curio cabinets into the house from the garage, we got the dining room table and chairs repaired and set up, I think Ammon unpacked some other stuff, and then he putzed around in his new "shop" for the rest of the weekend.  Oh!  And he re-wired a lamp, and got our hand me down lawnmower running.  He was in beastmode this weekend.
To reward all of Ammon's accomplishments, I made homemade pizza, and it was our first meal on our table in its new home.  He remarked on how fancy it was, so I had to break out the candlesticks and take the drama up a notch.  You can see the curios behind him, because we live in a "cozy" little home.  Also, boxes, because when I say we got back into it this weekend, I mean it's still just the tip of the iceberg... still so much to tackle.

5)  While he did everything and more, I did exercisey things, grocery shopped, and cooked/prepped a mountain of food.  And I tried to read some blogs, but at this point, it's pretty much a losing battle to read blogs, I'm so behind.  Oh well.

6)  School starts again tomorrow.  Eeep.  This is my last semester at the local community college before I transfer to a 4 year university in January.  It feels sort of like I just started working on my Accounting degree, but it also feels like I have been working on this forever.  I'm just ready to be a big girl Accountant already.

Well... OINTB is on, and that feels important right now.  So I'm going to leave off.  Have an outstanding day!


  1. I love your "fancy" dinner!! Perk up buttercup. Being happy is good for the soul :)

  2. Aw, well whatever the reason for your smile in the picture, you look beautiful! Please write that post about runners and small children. I bet you'll surprise yourself how funny you can be in your writing. :)


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