Thursday, December 12, 2013

Some ugly truth

Since the half marathon, I seem to have lost my will, motivation, and desire to exercise.  My body has been rebelling, as my IT bands remind me that running does not come naturally to my body.  It reminds me that I have healing and restorative work to do, and that is DAUNTING.

I am committed to another half marathon in May, and a full marathon in September.  I am terrified that I am going to let my friends who are doing these races with me den I try to own, because my body just can't seem to figure this running thing out, and it paralyzes me.  Instead of getting to work, I let life get in the way.

This is my truth as it stands right now.  And I don't like it, and it's ugly.  I hesitate to even write about it here, because it is such an awful thing for me to even think about.  Every day I think it's going to be the day that I start that work, and then by the time work is done for the day, my IT bands are wailing, and I just want to move as little as possible.  Every day I remember the 1,864 commitments that I have in addition to my health, and I choose to make those more important.

For the record, I think there is a season for everything, and that if I have to rest, now is a good time for it.  The holidays are always busy, and this year seems to be no exception.  I am trying my best to compensate for all of this by eating clean and drinking tons of water, and it has helped tremendously with weight management.  However, I don't just want to be "thin".  I want to be toned, and I want to be fit.  It has always been a challenge to me, and it's driven me for years.  It is what moved me to study Exercise Science, then Holistic Health Coaching.  It's what drove me to start a blog, and what drives me now to be real and honest about how I experience health in my life.

So I'm being really open and honest today, with the hopes that getting these words and thoughts out in the world will help me do the mental work necessary to start the physical work.  That I can get my head in the game, and make some serious commitments to myself.  I need to get back to exercise, it makes me feel sane.  It keeps my anxiety levels manageable, and it gives me a competitive outlet.  It is important to my life, while simultaneously being something I have a very hard time enjoying.  I hate the act of exercising.  It takes a lot of time, and you have to prep for it, and you get disgusting, and then you have to clean up afterward.  It's just so much in an already busy life.

But it is a necessary inconvenience, so I'm going to work hard to make the time for it.

What big goals/events do you have on the horizon?
How do you get motivated to handle things that are big and scary?


  1. I know how you feel, my goal this year is to complete at least 3 5ks and for the first time try to run a half marathon. I am not sure how i am going to do this, but its worth a try right>? Head up girl, you can do it.

  2. Life...yup! I took a two week hiatus from the gym (and all other forms of exercise) to prepare for Harper's first birthday. I could've easily done something, but nope. I legit took two weeks off so that I could craft...and dang near died my first day back at the gym. I would love to get competition ready, I'm not sure that I could muster the nerve to walk around a stage in a bikini, but I want to look like it. lol. You'll get it, girl!

  3. I'm not a runner, I've never been a runner. And this may be a really stupid question/comment (and if so please ignore!), I totally agree that there are ebbs and flows in the year for exercise, and I also know that in the past you've done other things besides running...I was just wondering if running isn't motivating you right now, then maybe something else would? Like Kick boxing? Or something?

  4. is hard. That's what I get from this. It is so hard to stay healthy and maintain all of life's other responsibilities. I'm feeling the same way!


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