A letter to an old friend

Dear Carbohydrates,

 

Wow, can you believe that we have been separated since January 2nd?  It's felt like forever for me too.  I know that you're eager to get back together.  After all, my rear end and midsection are outstanding places to hang out in the winter months.

However, I hope you won't be mad when I tell you that I still can't see you.  I wish I could, but this is kind of a toxin relationship we have.  I know that you give, Carbs, but when the giving is extra cushion and belly bloat, I'm just not sure that I want your gifts.  I have to think about my wedding dress, and my wedding photos.  I can't be looking 4 months pregnant, just because you and I had a lovely evening on the couch.

So I'm begging you, pleading, actually, that you stop with the offers of love.  I get that you taste good, and that you make me happy.  Our relationship is well documented.  I know how we feel about each other.  My love for you will never fade, but I'm a selfish woman who wants to look hot.  I know that deep down you understand that about me.  I mean, I'm also the selfish woman who hogs her desserts.  It goes both ways, Carbs, towards the good and the bad.

Have no fear, though:  come June 22, you can bet your bottom dollar that you and I are going to have a few fantastic moments together.  I hope I just don't get too enthusiastic about you when Ammon starts feeding me that cake.  It's a family moment that will be documented forever, so make sure you're on your best behavior.

Sugar-free will never be as good as you are...