The thing I was too embarrassed to say

I confess it:  last month when I did my "What's in your Senior Yearbook" vlog, I made a crucial omission.  One of the entries in my yearbook discussed my enjoyment of writing.  I read it out loud as "Keep writing".  There were 2 important letters after that.  I was embarrassed to share with you what it was that I was encouraged to continue writing.

::Deep breath::  Oh God, I hope I don't hyperventilate.  

Alright... I think I might be ready.

That line said "Keep writing FF".  As in Fan Fiction.  It's a part of my writing life that I am so ashamed of that I sweep it under the mat and try to forget as often as humanly possible.  In fact, I had forgotten about it until Alissa's little yearbook challenge.  Writing has always been important, always been a way for me to share my thoughts, feelings, challenges, triumphs, my heart that even I do not always know.  It has always been my outlet.  And my outlet used to revolve heavily around these dudes.

Source: lastfm.com.br via Diana on Pinterest

And sometimes these guys

Source: wayblackwhen.tumblr.com via Deane on Pinterest

I wrote short stories, novellas, and even 100+ page stories about my favorite boyband members.  And then... AND THEN I had the guts to publish them on the internet.  I was so into it, in fact, that I learned HTML and CSS coding.  Do I remember a lick of it now?  No way.  But back then I would never have needed to hire a blog designer... I was rocking the advanced template of Angelfire.  Remember Angelfire?  I sure do.

Source: books-and-cleverness.tumblr.com via Abby on Pinterest

These were absolutely issues I faced back in those days.  My entire goal was to write a story that anyone would read... I did character development, plot outlines, the whole 9 yards.  I was so into it.  But can you ever admit to these things out loud?  Hell no.  You get shamed and shoved into lockers for far, far less.  So for my "friend" to write it in my yearbook?  Well, it was mortifying.  And looking back?  Well, it's just a terrible reminder of a time that I would just as soon pretend had never once happened.

This confession was brought about by a conversation Ammon and I had at lunch today about my daily writings here.  We brought up the fact that my whole life, I have written in some capacity or another, and that I have even published my writings to the internet a time or two (okay, many times).  Ammon had to full-on double dog dare me to tell you this story.  But truth be told, I love that the internet is an open, accepting, tolerant space for learning who you are as a person, and finding your voice.

So there you have it.  My most ridiculous internet confession.  The confession that I was too ashamed to make.  I must really trust y'all an awful lot.