Slowing it down

I slowed down yesterday.  Way down.

Well, not in everything.  In running, really, but it felt like a huge deal to do so.  I'm in that place where I see other runners who are much faster than me, and it is hard to swallow the notion that I might never be a 7 min/mile runner.  That is so far from the realm of my realities right now, and thinking about it really brings me down.  It drives me to push too hard in my training, and to be "let down" by runs that aren't quite as fast as others.  I just want to be good at sports, dang it.

This is what happens when a tired, burned out wanna be marathon runner just can't take it anymore.  The selfies get EXTRA fun.  But this is a great demonstration of what I do after I run too hard. I collapse sideways on the bed and refuse to move for anything less than donuts.

So, all of that to say, it is hard for me to just go slow and enjoy my running journey as it is right now.  I'm an almost 30 year old who took up running, because that's what all the other bloggers were doing 2 years ago, and I had a dream of being a triathlete.  I accidentally grew to like, and maybe almost love running, even though it doesn't always seem to love me back.  It's now time to accept that there is nothing wrong with running slower than everyone and their 90 year old great aunt Betty.  So what if I don't get a sub-5 hour finish at Denver Rock 'n' Roll???  I'm pretty sure that nobody at the finish line is going to start pointing and laughing at the slow chick who is plodding her tired booty towards that finish line.  And even if I were to have the worst day ever, and get swept when the course time limit is met, well, I will have tried my best.

So I slowed down my running pace.  You know what?  It felt amazing.  I finished my run feeling better than I have in weeks, which is shocking, since it was my recovery run after a half marathon that I pushed myself way too hard in.  I keep trying to make my race paces my training pace, and that doesn't seem to be working so well for me, but darn it if I don't really just want it that badly.  The amazing thing is, that when I slowed it all down, and just let my body do its thing SLOWLY, I found those things that had been missing from my runs lately.  The joy, the clarity, the peace, all came flowing back in, almost as if they'd been there all along, just waiting for me to slow down enough to grasp them.