Confessions are good for the soul

My goodness guys, I don't find myself trying to wish away time too often, but I will be so happy when it is Monday and this week is over.  It was pretty terrible as far as weeks go.  I know my blogging has been sporadic lately while I try to redetermine what my blogging voice is, but I really felt like I needed to take part in Sunday Confessions with Alyx this week, just to let a few things off of my chest.

1)  The fact that we didn't get the house that we saw last weekend really deeply affected me.  It seems silly and insignificant, and my co-workers got really annoyed with me that I just wouldn't let it go.  I still haven't, really.  That house was flipping special, and we both were so drawn to it immediately.  I mean, we went shopping for new stuff to fit that space, we were so on board with it.  Thank goodness we didn't buy anything.  But it pretty much shut down all of my ability to find joy this week, despite big attempts to move on.  I am a firm believer that you CAN NOT always choose joy and happiness -- that you have to feel and experience negative things in order to fully understand and experience the best things.  I really tried, but this ended up being on of those things that we just had to feel.

2)  My workouts this week have been totally lack-luster.  Probably in large part due to the proverbial raincloud that has been following me around.  Except for my long run, which is on the docket for today, I managed to get them all in, but my yoga sessions were pathetic at best, and my runs were substantially slower than normal this week.  In fact, had it not been for Gunner dragging me through my Wednesday night run, I probably would have collapsed on the trail and sent for reinforcements (Ammon) to come scrape me off the concrete.

How I felt about my Monday run.  It was not pretty.

3)  I'm doing a My Fitness Pal challenge right now, and if it weren't for that, I would have eaten and drank all the things last week.  And I would not have felt bad in doing so for a single second.  Lucky for me, I have a very competitive nature, and slogged through healthy eating and making good choices for the whole week.  WINNING.

4)  I'm confessing to all of you that some jerkwad(s) STOLE MY SCOOTER on Friday afternoon.  My friend stopped by to walk Gunner around noon, and it was still there.  Ammon came home at 3:15, and it was gone.  We filed a police report, but the police say there is only a 1 in 4 chance we will get it back.  And to top it off, we only had liability insurance on it, so it's essentially a total loss.  I feel pretty numb about the whole thing right now.  I kind of wish I was upset about it, because that would make much more sense than this whole ball of nothing I'm actually feeling.

5)  I had a massage yesterday, and all I wanted to do was curse my therapist out for the entire 90 minutes.  He specializes in deep tissue and detoxifying work, and my body was a huge mess from training and all of this emotional crap that's going on.  It hurt so, so, so much, and I was completely useless for the rest of the day as I tried to process all of the deep healing work he initiated.  At one point, he apologized to me in advance, and asked me to practice deep breathing, so that I would not be capable of voicing the things that I would obviously be thinking in my head.  He really is the best massage therapist in the entire world, and I consider him a friend and confidante.  But man, the stuff he puts me through sometimes is beyond belief.

What are you confessing today?